Urgh…just just gimme a sec. Yes people the rumors are true, our lord and savior Timothy Richard Tebow has been traded to the darkness that is the New York Jets (I’m a Pats fan, yes this is biased). I know what you’re thinking, who would do such a thing to him? Well the answer to that isn’t quite simple. Sure John Elway initially shipped him off to the Jets just to piss all of the Tebow faithful Floridians off, but after the trade hit a snag due to some contract language the Jets front office was unaware of, Tebow was given the choice of Jets or Jaguars, and decide to proceed with going to NY.
Now why would Tim do this? Why would the Starter God* dismiss the city that loves him so much to join a team in which he would once again be relegated Backup Jesus*? Well there is one possible explanation…he wants to perform a miracle. Bare with me, I know this sounds absurd (partly why I’m running with it to begin with), but wouldn’t it be a miracle if Tebow brought some respect back to the Jets and fixed their locker room issues? The Jets have been putting their feet in their mouths, figuratively and literally with respect to Rex Ryan, for the past 2 years with Superbowl guarantees and quite frankly they’re rarely taken serious anymore. Add onto this the turmoil from the past season with reports of tension between Santonio Holmes and Mark Sanchez, Rex Ryan’s job now being on the line, an angry Jets fanbase, and no key free agent signings to bolster a stagnant offense (21st in passing & 22nd in rushing last season) things aren’t looking too great for the franchise right now.
If Tebow can somehow fix the relationships within the team and even assist the Jets in getting to the Superbowl, wouldn’t social media implode? Wouldn’t he in actuality become revered as a savior? Wouldn’t Tebowing become more than a pose and be regarded as a sacrilegious practice of worship, in which all those who do not Tebow are deemed heathenous delinquents destined for the underworld?? Wouldn’t the Jets winning a Superbowl with Tim Tebow at the helm be reason for why God postpones the Apocalypse?? The possibilities (and my underlying Tebow madness) are endless, but I digress, this is all my misguided theory. Tebow has yet to truly explain why he chose the Jets over the Jaguars, where he undoubtedly would’ve been starter over this guy with the undying loyalty of a fanbase seething for hope and a franchise with a roster that ACTUALLY WANTS HIM. So as I end this rant I beg for the answer to one and only one question: For the love of Tebow (or to some of you God), why choose the Jets?!?!
*Those nicknames weren’t my original creation, credit for those go to Robert Littal @BlkSportsOnline