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Now I assume you’re only reading this post if you partake in Fantasy Football. If you’re just reading this for fun, cool, but when you’re done go sign up for a league so this can actually make more sense to you, because I’m about to bless you all with a lot of fantasy knowledge. If you read my previous post, then you know I live for Fantasy Football. I treat this like its my job, like its my calling to teach the fantasy players of the world the essence of proper Fantasy Football-ism. Over the next few days (weeks even), I’ll be holding sessions for this course I call Fantasy Football 101. With that being said, welcome to class…

Lesson #1: Pick who you want

This is a game guys, you want to have fun. If you have a favorite NFL player, draft him. Period. Drew Breesus (to some his last name is Brees) is my favorite player, and I CAN’T be in a league in which he isn’t on my team. If I have the #1 pick in the draft, I’m stealing him. In an auction draft I’ll spend inconceivable amounts of money to get him. Fantasy Football is way more fun if you have your favorite guy on your team (plus if he wins you a game any given week you’ll be even happier).

Lesson #2: Don’t be stupid

Taking into account what I said in lesson #1, don’t be stupid. If your favorite player sucks, lesson #1 doesn’t apply. Curtis Painter is your cousin so you have emotional ties? That sucks for you, stay away from him. Coincidentally Breesus is my favorite player as well as one of the top three quarterbacks in the league, so if I do spend a #1 pick (or #1 pick money) on him, it isn’t a truly stupid move. If you draft a kicker in the first round, you should be kicked out of your league.

Lesson #3: Don’t draft a kicker before anyone else of value

Someone: “Hmm he says not to draft a kicker in the first round, when should I then?” Well random someone, in a snake draft I say don’t pick a kicker before the second to last round. In an auction draft, wait till there is no one left of value to you and throw down your sweet virtual $1 bill on him. My kicker of choice? Sebastian Janikowski. I don’t wait till the last round cause I’m afraid someone else will take him, but I never draft him if I see a guy I really want still available.

Lesson #4: Running backs will run

Haters hate, players play, and running backs run. What I mean by this is that wide receivers don’t always get thrown to or catch the ball (same with tight ends). Kickers may not always get a lot of kicks, defenses may suck, and QBs do throw, but passing yard points aren’t as easy to get. RB’s always run. They may not be a lock to score, but if you’re getting 1 point for 10 yards, those can add up. Throw in a TD and 60 rushing yards and that’s 12 points. Plus, if the team has the lead at the end of the game, coaches tend to use RB’s to keep the clock running (yardage points baby). Draft RB’s, plenty, and trade the ones you don’t want for upgrades elsewhere on your team. Pick a guy that is a clear #1 on the depth chart and isn’t stuck with a run-by-committee situation (don’t touch the Panthers RB’s).

Lesson #5: Don’t be afraid to trade

Last year I had Ben Tate (pre-Foster return), Nate Washington (right after Kenny Britt went down with injury), and Mike Tolbert (redzone TD vulture extraordinaire) and I was offered Ray Rice for the three of them. I didn’t look at lesson #2. I didn’t realize lesson #5 yet. I rejected the trade, and tried to re-offer it about 40 minutes later after I realized what the heck I did. The guy for some reason didn’t like the trade anymore and rejected, I lost my chance for Ray Rice, and weeks later my 6-0 record went to 6-5, ending my season 8-5. Think before you click reject and DON’T BE AFRAID TO TRADE.

Well, those are the first five lessons. Wanted to keep things pretty basic this time around, but those are some key tidbits to know off the top, an introduction to the course if you will. I hope you guys stayed awake and learned something today. For those of you that like this course, good and bad news: Good news – I’ll keep this going for a while at least until the regular season starts. Bad news – class is postponed until 8/27. Why? Well I’m surprised you care, but I just entered Grantland.com’s Fantasy Writer competition, and if by some miracle (help me baby Breesus) I end up a finalist, I’m going to need to save some material knowledge for later. Can’t let out the serious bag of tricks yet.